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I've been a dedicated blogger for the last 3 days now.

I like this online journal thing. "It doesn't matter if anyone reads it...its your life...just be honest." Thats how Blake told me to go about it. 

So honestly...I want to write again. I haven't written a poem in ages...I'll jump on that.

I miss Aubrey. I miss a lot of things. Everyone does...people and times in your life come and go....its heartbreaking but you just have to deal with it.

On the brighter side of things...here are some of my favorite things that will always help me feel happy.

1. smiles, hugs,laughs and kisses.

2. music, books, and art

3. coffee, smoothies, and vinilla Dr.pepper 

4. Girls night in, girls night out and girl talks

5. talking about politics, culture, and knowing life still goes on for everyone

6. Being one of the guys. It is great sometimes to get a bunch of guy friends and just play and be silly.

7. cats, cute little kids, and big dogs

8. photography and photo ops

9. getting dolled up and going out

10. deep conversation...i love feeling connected to my friends and whoever.

anyways....later :]

  

          

......

I'm dancing with my old group again. Its finally back to girls who are serious about it. I'm going to absorb myself in it....right now its the best escape for me. Cute kid informed me he is going to stalk me on facebook...we'll see how that goes. I'm not looking for anything for awhile...I want to take it easy and single for a bit.

So here is my game plan...

-become super dancer.

-advance in school. I'm doing my senior year and freshman year of college within the same term next year. 

-just chill and try to shake off stress.

-rebuild a relationship with God. I'm not even sure where to start honestly. I hate church...we'll see.

P.S. You still make me smile:)

O.o

How is it possible to feel nothing and everything at the same time?

I'm living through things I never expected I would. Sometimes you have to just take it all good  and bad. Without hate, you can't understand love. Without turmoil, you can't savor peace. So I'm hopeful that all of this will benefit me later on. I'm a tough girl and I realize my outlook can change everything. It is so hard though sometimes to get to a point where you can convince yourself that you will be ok...that you will come out of this stronger. A part on me is scared to be strong though. I never want to be afraid to be vulnerable. Thats a strength in itself.....to not block out emotion. When a person gets hurt their mind goes through a healing process. When that part of you heals it can never reach that point of feeling ever again. On the plus side you may become immune to hurt, but who wants to become immune to love? 

So take it all good and bad. Apply it to new experiences. Never fully heal so you can always tap into that feeling and use it for understanding. I want to get a point I can tolerate pain to still embrace it. Still have realistic expectations about love and life while still giving the unexpected a chance. I can be the artist and the thinker. I want to be the lover and fighter.